Here’s the scenario
Let me tell you about the time I accidentally pulled off a DBT masterclass… at Disney World… with my 8-year-old on the verge of total meltdown.
It was one of those miserably hot summer days in Florida—you know, the kind where you’re 98% humidity and 2% sweat. We were walking along the boardwalk, headed toward a shop I really wanted to visit. Naturally, my son was about two minutes away from a full-blown heat-induced tantrum. Forget about biking, toy shopping, or boat rides. This kid was ready to audition for a role in a disaster movie.
I spotted an ice cream shop like it was an oasis in the Sahara. We ducked inside, and—ahhh!—instant relief from the heat. But was that enough for my son? Oh, no. The heat had already taken up residence in his brain. “It’s still going to be hot when we go back outside! We’re all going to melt!” Did I mention we had just watched Frozen at Hollywood Studios, where Olaf dreams about summer and everyone’s convinced he’ll turn into a puddle? Yeah, my kid was now Olaf and determined to melt.
He couldn’t shake the thought. “But what about when we go back outside?” he repeated, like some kind of apocalyptic weatherman. I was trying to explain, “We’re not in the heat right now, are we?” To which he responded, “But it’s still going to be hot when we leave!”
Classic DBT opportunity, right? So, I asked him, “Hey, when you think about the heat, does it make you feel good?” His answer: a very predictable no. Then I asked, “What about when you think about ice cream? Does that make you feel good?” He hesitated but said, maybe. A-ha, we were getting somewhere! I suggested, “Why don’t we focus on ice cream for a bit and see what happens. What flavor do you want? Sprinkles? A cherry on top?”
Before I knew it, he was caught up in a delightful daydream about ice cream, and just like that, the heat apocalypse in his mind was postponed. We sat down with our treats, quietly savoring every bite. By the time we stepped back outside, the Disney gods had blessed us—overcast skies and a refreshing breeze.
Best part? We found a boat that cut down our walking time and avoided the heat altogether. Lesson learned: when everyone’s regulated, the world is full of shortcuts and ice cream.
How is this DBT
In this scenario, you utilized Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) principles—specifically, mindfulness and distress tolerance—to skillfully handle your son’s emotional response. Here’s how DBT was applied:
- Mindfulness: You asked your son to focus on his current experience rather than the future discomfort of stepping back into the heat. This mindful shift from the distressing thought (“It’s going to be hot when we leave”) to the present moment (“We’re not in the heat right now”) grounded him.
- Distraction (within Distress Tolerance): By redirecting his attention to ice cream—something enjoyable—you employed distraction, a DBT skill that helps shift focus from emotional pain to a more positive or neutral stimulus. Asking about ice cream flavors and sprinkles pulled him out of his distress and into a pleasant mental space.
- Validation: You validated his feelings without dismissing them. Acknowledging that he was worried about the heat and guiding him to think about something that might feel better (ice cream) helped him feel understood and supported, which is key in DBT.
By skillfully combining these DBT techniques, you transformed a potential meltdown into a moment of regulation and enjoyment. It was a true DBT masterclass!
As easy as ABCDE
Here’s a way to remember what to do in ABC
A – Awareness: Stay aware of your emotions, thoughts, and the present moment. This covers DBT’s Mindfulness skill, where you focus on what’s happening now without judgment.
B – Balance: Maintain balance between acceptance and change. DBT is about finding the middle ground between accepting things as they are and working to improve them, part of Dialectical Thinking.
C – Coping: Use distress tolerance skills to cope with difficult emotions and situations without making them worse. This includes distraction, self-soothing, and other Distress Tolerance techniques.
D – Decision-making: Make wise decisions by engaging in Emotion Regulation. This helps reduce vulnerability to overwhelming emotions, allowing you to make clear, thoughtful choices rather than reacting impulsively.
E – Effectiveness: Focus on what works, especially in relationships, through Interpersonal Effectiveness skills. Prioritize being effective in your interactions to achieve goals, maintain self-respect, and foster positive connections with others.
